Why am I here ? Kinda took me by surprise actually if I thought of where I was at this moment and time I would actually be upset. This is not where I want to be right now but then the big question hits why am I not there ? I’ve actually been holding me back looking back but trying to walk straight. Millions of thoughts of possible possibilities I could be there if I just if I didn’t or the haymaker it wouldn’t of worked anyways. I’m here to battle the little voice in my head that keeps making me look back while moving forward. Such hurtful thoughts creep up once I think of anything positive that I’ve done but I’m getting better at taming that monster. I have been on and off practicing meditation and controlling my breath. I do believe the mind would be a terrible thing to waste so I just found something that peaks my interests and can help me expand while exploring heights I thought were possible. I actually never thought about making a personal journal. That maybe something I’ll do while I actually do this also. I want to create a dynasty that’s my goal that’s what I want to say will be my end game. I know there is so much that I must learn and discover. I know this because at the present moment I know nothing as far as what my first step should be. I’m just making this blog a declaration of battle I will win this war now show me my opponent. I suppose I should do is look up varies subjects like ancient dynasties and what made them tick. I also what to learn about marketing management technology. I have alot of projects I take on so ill be writing about those experiences also. I have to say I’m a newbie when it comes to all this so I’m taking baby steps and once I get the hang of things in off like a rocket. I have been afraid of failure for too long I’m just going to face my fears and open the Pandoras box of my mind. Im currently trying to recycle my families plastic bottles and recycle them the right way or is there a way of getting compensation for thinking green. Ha see I made a funny. Funny thing is English wasn’t on of my best subjects in school I actually dreaded it and to think I’m actually going to keep a blog. Well I also never introduced myself my apologies for being so disrespectful I’m sofkknamazing but everyone calls me AJ. When people ask me why is that your I tend to reply to them wait and see. The name actually came from a childhood friend I wont forget his name was brad. One day we was talking and he said to me you know fucking amazing right. Till this day in my memories I can’t recall if he was being sarcastic or not but to be honest it doesn’t matter. I recall feeling like a brand new penny and because I carry such great memories from people I cherish I must make sure that I push so I can catch up to where i want to be. I hope i touch base with all my creative friends that I’ve made and do something great. By writing until next year I have hopes that I obtain more knowledge than I started and I see the growth of myself. Hopefully I also make some new friends I’d like the company on this journey going on
So writing again but I should be sleep. I think after I post this I’ll actually go read some other blogs maybe I can find people to bother. I should start practicing my touch typing too I used to type at 40 words a minute I think I have went down since I actually don’t type much anymore. I am currently doing a lot of creative projects and have been learning basic computer programming skills I think I’m going to make an app for fun wonder what it should be though. Writing wall coming up so I’m going to wrap up my gibberish still don’t have the hang of this all the way but give me some time I plan on doing it.
Haven’t wrote anything in a while but more soon to come. I made a decision today to keep on keeping on with my writing at least in a way I can manage slightly while I handle other projects. I do need help tho missing some constructive criticism more insight some advice links anything I would like to looking into different subjects avenues venues on a multitude of mind boggling discovers and pretty much anything. I just learned a valued lesson if your using word on your phone you have to save before going to anything multitasking doesn’t save your words. 😠. Anyways I had alot more written then I’m leaving you with. Let me introduce myself though hey I’m AJ I write cause I’m good at it. I will be bothering alot of people with my help on finishing the projects we dropped and just having fun using my friends talents to just help my random rants and solve my constant boredom issues. Don’t be shy not everyone has a six sense can’t get noticed without demanding some type attention right ??h
As a kid I loved losing myself in a book I indulged in the greatness of my imagination I was in awe how me and the author could paint such a vivid picture in my mind. I loved the fact I could be here for a second and gone the next I loved the fact that I felt as if I was able to just look over the main characters shoulder and see the evil they faced. I loved how I could walk down the street after reading a book and start my own adventure. That is why I write I want to help some escape their own body and fly to the place I wrote on the pages that are right before your eyes. When I describe feeling the cool night air grazing your skin sending a slight chill to thru your body I want you to know I’m just sitting outside enjoy natures air (tho its not really nature I still value outdoors). I write to voice the opinion of those who can’t be heard to show that though pen and paper are legacy equipment words are endless and will always be able to be as refreshing as diving into a pool on a hot summer day. Ill always appreciate a good writer now it doesn’t take much to make anyone a good writer you just have to open your mind and write your soul. So if you remember any of the words I wrote you have a piece of me with you which doesn’t mean I have to be special to you but at least I caught your attention and engraved something in your mind. With the first book I write I want to see if I could put my soul down I want this book to not have my blood sweat and tears but I need people to feel that when you let it all out you see that someone will be more then willing to do it back. Isn’t that only way to really know who someone is ? Well they do say that eyes are the gateways to the soul so welcome to my minds eye where you can see my soul.
– Seems as if we have more years gone then left so try to make everything right – SoFkknAmazing
A lot of thoughts cypher through my head and it is hard to focus sometimes but my teacher did tell never multi task just do all tasks one at a time and make sure you get everything you need done in an appropriate manner. I figured out what pains me is the relationship I had with my family well the lack there of not gonna bore with all the stress but just wanted to at least admit that to my self I was worried about writing because I somehow always thought one day I won’t have anymore words to express myself. Luckily I pushed passed that thought and just focused on the task at hand. Soon I’m going to be collaborating with my boy third helping him finish his poetry book as well as getting his help finishing up my book. Just going to make sure I do everything in a timely fashion so hope fully before April finishes I should at least have a finish rough draft so if anybody knows any editors I can at least get it out there. I like the idea in my head so when I paint a vivid image in your head by the words I print down you’ll enjoy it too. Tomorrow I get Internet so hopefully I can try to get one more person who flows with words to maybe help so I can push it out faster. I know of someone who writes that always seems to captivate my imagination with her writing but we did recently have a falling out. You can say it was because of me but personally I can’t stand someone who doesn’t listen to what someone has to say before listening. Assumptions makes an ass out of yu and makes me laugh maybe one day ill slow down my harsh ways of dealing with people but Rome wasn’t built in one day so it does mean I do have sometime before worrying about that. So if anyone does want to help just comment and ill reply with an email and discuss what you’ll need to do. Hopefully our strong points will bring out a great finished product anyways my day was okay I’m slowly but surely becoming more social again. I do rather enjoy being at home the out and about because I feel like instead of spend all that time enjoying my self for the moment and enduring reality when that moments over. Let me get everything prioritized and in order so once I’m out and about ill be the one humming no worries with a smile in my heart.
– Life sucks less when you achieve success – SoFkknAmazing
sorry for my unexpected break and I’m only apologizing to the one person who really motivated me to even remember I had a blog. I have really been thinking lately even more deeply then I was before I’ve been taking influences by more and more people. I even had my brain open to strangers friends even random Internet advice seems I had hit a new low but I do feeling greatly enlightened. This was basically my way of informing you that I will be rambling on for a while or maybe somewhere in the middle ill wrap it up and have something to write about tomorrow. By the way happy birthday Krissy even tho it’s tomorrow I wanted to be first to say it since you are an avid reader 🙂 now back to me I have genuinely changed my way of thinking it wasn’t that it wasn’t working it was more I wasn’t working. See every year I can say things have gradually gotten better compared to last year but by the end of every year with all the bumps and bruises I have receive the sound of a new start is always going to make me think it can’t be as worst as last year. Friends I held dear I will have to do without and the family I never had I can’t wish for anymore because I will be reminded every Christmas that maybe I wasn’t good enough to get my wish this year and to jus try again in the new year. Sorry I can’t my new mental is just be SoFkknAmazing it sounds so conceited when people ask what makes me so amazing and I reply me. I am so serious when I say it tho I aim to be that guy I have so much ambition that I just can’t wait to help everyone else I’m just going to do what I have to do to help me and anyone who wants to get involved with me. I hate liars people who are just full of empty promises and all those who dismiss instead of address. All I got is a dollar and a dream now watch me begin to dream chase and since they say I can rest when I’m dead guess I just won’t stop running. At the end of the day nothing in life is free but when you just sit and breath and think the thought you had with your free will I wonder how much that cost you. To get to certain places in life people are ready to sell their soul or just drop all their goals or keep living day by day until they grow old. Not I I will not tell a lie I plan to rise straight to the sky live up there until I die and got back high. I don’t need empathy nor sympathy I would love to surround myself with people who don’t sidetrack but interact not leaving you in the dark instead of shedding some light people who don’t care about what happen back then people who don’t have to try to be your friend. I have held so much in before slowly but surely letting it but some scars will never heal even with all the time in the world just because I care. you know nothing can heal if you pick at the scabs well they can you would just be stupid enough to pick at it again to unleash everything. Sorry to everyone who could never come to grips with who I am because they weren’t really aiming at me they were aiming at who I could be or thought I could be and thank you for those who are here who actually keep me in there prayers and actually miss me when I’m not there. Elephants aren’t able to cry but they never forget so if they can’t forget all they endured and never shed a tear what right do I have. Well thanks for listening while I vented don’t forget to comment or something if you can take the time out your day or night to read I be more then happy to reply at anytime.
– P.S. I do suck at replying bare with me your never forgotten – SoFkknAmazing
*sigh* do yu ever feel unimportant ? sometimes I feel so useless and insignificant i jus succumb to the corner of my mind where I matter. my friend said he thinks I’m lonely I tell him I’m not I always have someone I can go hang out with but what’s the point of hanging out when yu feel so inferior. I lost 2 bills and a onion now even tho my fams still was gonna pay my way like how I feel about my worth and just losing 2 bills just crushed everything in me that thought about going out would be cool. even before all that I just feel sooo ugh like idk how to feel like I really just don’t care anymore. I’m not going to throw my life away so don’t put me on suicide alert but idk how to feel anything real like the only thing I care about right now is loyalty and money. Is that normal ? not being sure what happiness actually feels like not sure what loneliness feels like I know what seclusion feels like because I rather be by myself instead of dealing with fake only there when yu up no where near when yu down people that seem to be thriving in this modern day world. that’s why I’m so big on loyalty yu can’t trust every smile yu meet so if yu can have people by ya side who words actually carry out the verbs that were stringed together while they were talking. That’s why I’m slowly leaking my heart out so when it’s completely froze I can come back and read reminiscing on the times I probably had to wipe my wet eyes to sleep because the stress weighted so much on my heart it felt unbearable. I do envision one day being able to sit at the table with my circle and just vibe airing everything the ever weighed us down to just get lifted off us so we can just walk on air while in the clouds. Idk ill figure out how to manage somehow someway can’t stop taking them steps forward never looking back.
– people say let go and let god but don’t think he is gonna bring everything to yu gotta get up and go get too – SoFkknAmazing