Day 5 who am I ?

*sigh* do yu ever feel unimportant ? sometimes I feel so useless and insignificant i jus succumb to the corner of my mind where I matter. my friend said he thinks I’m lonely I tell him I’m not I always have someone I can go hang out with but what’s the point of hanging out when yu feel so inferior. I lost 2 bills and a onion now even tho my fams still was gonna pay my way like how I feel about my worth and just losing 2 bills just crushed everything in me that thought about going out would be cool. even before all that I just feel sooo ugh like idk how to feel like I really just don’t care anymore. I’m not going to throw my life away so don’t put me on suicide alert but idk how to feel anything real like the only thing I care about right now is loyalty and money. Is that normal ? not being sure what happiness actually feels like not sure what loneliness feels like I know what seclusion feels like because I rather be by myself instead of dealing with fake only there when yu up no where near when yu down people that seem to be thriving in this modern day world. that’s why I’m so big on loyalty yu can’t trust every smile yu meet so if yu can have people by ya side who words actually carry out the verbs that were stringed together while they were talking. That’s why I’m slowly leaking my heart out so when it’s completely froze I can come back and read reminiscing on the times I probably had to wipe my wet eyes to sleep because the stress weighted so much on my heart it felt unbearable. I do envision one day being able to sit at the table with my circle and just vibe airing everything the ever weighed us down to just get lifted off us so we can just walk on air while in the clouds. Idk ill figure out how to manage somehow someway can’t stop taking them steps forward never looking back.

– people say let go and let god but don’t think he is gonna bring everything to yu gotta get up and go get too – SoFkknAmazing



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