Day 4 Shrinking my circle

what makes someone your friend?

this was a question people been struggling with and probably still struggle with until the end of time. just because they remember your birthday just because they remember your favorite color just because they know your middle name sometimes even those who been there from the beginning can’t even be called friends. I told my homeboy one day while we were driving that my life is the most important between the both of us. some people would say that was mean but I still know I’m going in a grave by myself so I gotta make sure I don’t send myself there early. back to the whole what is a friend situation we are currently on maybe some will disagree but who cares it’s my blog :p a friend is some who respects your mind and values your opinion because everyone is different there not always going to listen to you because we have to learn from our own mistakes. I feel a friend would never talk negative behind your back and would stand up for yu even if yu were laying in bed. a friend wouldn’t lie to yu about something trivial they would lie to keep yu from being hurt from stressing from tears running down your face. the biggest part of being a friend yu have to have respect loyalty comes in on your part if your going to call someone why not be loyal and if then yu find out that there was dishonor to the friendship yu talk about it then its on you if yu wanna pursue this or leave. all I wanted to do was really speak my mind on what a friendship should embody because I don’t feel someone should not call me a friend if they have no respect for me as a person then yu won’t have respect for our friendship. at the end of the day only a few are loyal and fewer are going to keep it real without belittling yu or what ur trying to accomplish and even fewer deserve the title of your friend. I keep a small circle and its gonna shrink even more because like I said my life is way more important then anyone elses so the ones I keep close to me are going to coming up with me. no it isn’t 50/50 we didn’t do it together but yu won’t be down and out especially if I got it even if its my last because I value my friendships. the infamous day 4 is finished I feel I needed to write this before someone can be like they my friend before knowing what a friend means to me

– forgive me for my past but don’t forget me in ya future – SoFkknAmazing

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Day 3 baby steps

Phew I almost missed my chance to enter day 3 but I made it. When yu say yu gonna do it all yu gotta do is take the first step and continue stepping no rest because yu tired if yu tired yu sleep. All I know is at the end of the day I gotta get mines and if I don’t I’m gonna disappoint myself I can’t handle making myself sad how imma sleep at night. Life goes on with or without me so I’m trying to live not survive day to day isn’t the dream nor is pay check by pay check. I dreamt what I wanted to be so now I don’t sleep trying to become who I saw myself as. I have no time to waste so I tell everyone I’m close to they can’t waste my time.

– dreams are the building blocks but can’t lift anything asleep – SoFkknAmazing

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Book Creativity

So what do you want from me ?

Andrew lays in the bed thinking of all the possible reasons it may have been there which one could be possible believe even if he were to be stuck in a situation like that there would be nothing to be said or needed to be understood she cheated point blank. Andrews eyes started watering thinking of the the time wasted and all the time he now felt was stolen from him. Slowly he inhaled deeply to thru his nose and slowly out his mouth slowing down his racing mind and his speeding heart he knew what needed to done. There was just one more week left before he and his brother went away to college so instead of leaving with all this weight on his shoulder he decided to man up to the situation and meet it head on. He turned to his head to face the clock it was just about to be two he had plans to go somewhere with his crew but he felt this was needed to be done before anything else could happen. He dragged his limp body out of bed even tho his mind was determined his body still ached from the game he had the other day. So much was on his mind he couldn’t believe it was he in the wrong he did cheat too he did actually kiss her even tho sex and kiss aren’t the same thing but the word cheat categorizes both of them under the same crime. As he grabbed what he was wearing and threw it on his bed his phone vibrated a text came in from her ‘so what do you want from me?’ his mind felt like it was going to explode. Thinking to himself he didn’t need to be worried about to many things at once he just read it and closed it he’ll just worry about what to say later. Just about 25 mins went by he was now dressed and ready to go talk to Renee he threw his phone keys and wallet in his gym shorts turned his music up in his headphones and threw the hoody over his head and started making his way towards her house. Andrew has lived on this block for over 10 years so he knew everyone he was normally the joking type by today he seemed to be on his own mission only saluting his friends or nodding his head not like he could hear anyone anyways his music is almost as loud as the thoughts in his head. Renee wasn’t home so Andrew used his key to get in she didn’t live by herself she did stay with a roommate the same person who was standing behind the door once he opened it. “Why didn’t yu answer the door when I knock Sara what yu good for anyways” Andrew said “don’t act cute because you won the game last night bitch you ain’t amazing” Sara replied as she walked towards the living room Andrew followed behind her. “I just got home I was about to toke up real quick before work where your girlfriend at anyways?” Sara questioned without batting an eye Andrew said “she said she should be home soon that’s why I came over so you wasn’t here all night last night” Sara shook her head no unknowingly sealing the fate of the relationship that was about to end Andrew dismissed himself saying he was going up stairs to get his dirty cloths. Andrew had his own dresser in Renee’s room not like he kept anything other then basketball attire in the anyways. He emptied out the dresser into one of his basketball duffle that he kept at the house grabbed everything and went back down stairs. The whole living room was covered in thick white smoke he went back to were he was sitting when he was talking to Sara. She was coughing as he started sitting down he laughed saying “you ok yu not gonna cough up ya lungs now are yu rookie.” “Rookie ? Oh yu got jokes ball player do yu know what this is ? yu know what since yu got all that lip put ya mouth to it toke up” Sara’s evil grin began to show as the words released from her full lips handing him the tube. Andrew in inhaled deeply and then slowly adding more white clouds into the atmosphere a smile came across his face as he just now realized that even tho Renee and Sara were roommates that they didn’t talk much. “Guess your just good at a lot of things” Sara said as a seductive smile came across her face. Andrew licked his lips as he nodded his head saying “I would tell you about it one day cause if I do it now I might go too deep” Andrew smiled “but right now Renee is taking to long so I’m going to go stay in touch tho Sara yu really cute and cool for a white girl.” Sara was wishing looks could kill as she said “yu said yu were going stopping saying things like that freshmen year yu jerk” Andrew smiled and waved as he opened the front door leaving the house still thinking about the text he got from her still unsure of how to reply and go about the whole situation. He knew Renee was working a double tonight so he felt as if he had to make his point clear he was still planning on having a full blown conversation about the situation but his mind was made up. He put back on his headphones and walk back towards his house as he was heading home the only house he never really knew anything about his whole time living where he was had a moving truck in front of it. He forgot people even lived in that house as he really just thought about it he realized he really doesn’t associate with a lot of people tho he knows a lot. Andrew started digging in his pockets hoping they didn’t fall into the couch at Renee’s house. They were in his pocket a sigh of relief escaped from him as he began opening his door. Andrew was greeting by music that echoed throughout the house he figured everyone was in the back and since no one knew he was back yet he took full advantage of his free time in the house. He went up the stairs straight into his room he threw the duffle towards the closet pulled out his phone. Andrew unlocked his phone it opened to his messages where a blinking cursor laid wait for a reply to the question ‘so what do yu want from me?’

Day 2 Finding Me

Two days back to back even tho the time difference isn’t more then 24 hours I could careless because as Drake said ‘fuck yu and your time difference’ my boy came in from going out and woke me up so I thought I would take my time and just write something at like 5 in the morning. I would never consider writing to be my passion nor my strong suit but it does feel great expressing myself thru words that enable some to get a whole new picture of you and how they see you. I’m not sure how many will see this if any do at all I just hope everyone who does get a good understanding of who I am. Right now I don’t fully understand myself at times I get every enraged at times I’m learning not to let others stupidity effect the way I carry myself. I started really started writing my book again I don’t have a full plot actually I really don’t know what I’m doing I’m just writing to feel my void and at least do something that I can hopefully publish so I can say that was also another mark i left in this world. Comments are welcomed if yu don’t want to leave it on here or don’t know how (your in the same boat as me) just hmu (hit me up) other then here I think I’ve had almost every social network possible I probably don’t go on or care for it much but I was there I signed up :). I have never done anything like this before just leaving my thoughts somewhere to be on display for anyone to see I wrote a few poems on MySpace before but does that even count. Today is all about me (actually everyday is about me I know the world doesn’t revolve around me but I think it should) I struggle I laugh I hate I love I care I forget I fail I succeed I live I learn I appreciate I can’t help but be who I am. And right now I am on a journey to find out who I am I currently am doing Tai Chi it does calm me I’m going to make time to meditate. I am an anime junkie I read comics so just interact with me I hate nonsense like literally dislike anything that doesn’t make sense. I just roll with the punches but if it don’t make cents the it doesn’t make sense. I feel everyone has a purpose and I know yu just can’t know what that purpose is because its part of the bigger picture. Just giving your self that chance trying things yu don’t know about listening reading watching even tasting I know there’s a lot of things I probably like now that I would of never even of thought twice about a year ago. No one is perfect and yu can’t be everyone’s friend but as far as I go I want to be known as the guy that was just so fucking amazing. I plan to hit up my twin today and talk about this show we suppose to get going tho I know a lot of people just make promises they can’t keep who knows why but I’m going to try and make sure that I enjoy my life the way I want to enjoy it.

im just having fun and i don’t care who sees living young wild and free

Corny I know but seriously trying to live my life my way not being reckless but being myself

– don’t judge by skin let people actions set the tone – SoFkknAmazing

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Day 1 Cutting old ties

I always heard its not good to burn bridges but I have to disagree now certain paths I will not let myself go back down. At the end of the day when your carried by six only one person goes in the grave and I started thinking that if I do leave a mark on this earth that it will be created the way I want it to be. You cant tell a artist what to create jus have to be patient and see what the final results are so that’s exactly how I’m trying to live from this day forth. Me on my mind family in my heart (just cause we blood don’t mean we family and just cause we say bruh or cuz don’t mean we family either) God watching over me and my circle is done. Now I have a lot of built up frustration no not sexual just a lot of stress on my chest that I have to get out of me so instead of going thru all the extra commotion I’m just gonna set the bridges between us go up in flames. I’m starting to do tai chi as a way to calm myself and be more in tune with the world around me. No significant other as of yet yu know all the females I know not real correction all but three. I’m not even sure if I won’t one yet because some how they always become a headache but I can’t go in being basis but who knows what will happen ;). I’m going to try and write a blog everyday so at least I can get somethings off my chest and at least speak on what I want to speak on plus see 2 projects I wanna do unfold with me.

you don’t have to pay attention when yu have free will – SoFkknAmazing

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